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Ask Annie: Taking Sides

Posted by Sarah Anne, Ask Annie, Relationships 9:35 AM

Anonymous said...

Why is my ex gf trying to turn my best friend against me?
ok its kinda long.. so me and my gf were best friends first and there was this other girl lets call her (M) so all three of us were friends but both of them liked me.. so (M) found out i liked the other girl lets call her(C) and she got mad.. so me and (C) liked each other and (m) left.. next year me and (C) started going out each our first love by the way(m) and (C) hate each other and i hated (m) too then me and (m) started talking again and became best friends and (C) was mad then me and (C) broke up because of rumors but later got back together in like 2 days then right before our anniversary she dumped me.. now she says shes found her perfect match and blah blah blah.. then (M) adds (c) on myspace and they start talking (m) gets mad because (c) starts telling her lies that i called (m) a ***** and stuff.. so then i start talking to (m) and she says shes on my side again so really my question is why did my ex gf do that

WOW that is pretty confusing, haha. But I think I may be able to break it down for you. Let’s call (M) Mary, and (C) Cassie.

Mary liked you first, so when you rejected her as a gf because you had feelings for Cassie, this was a serious blow to her ego and the trust you guys had formed as best friends. When you made things official with Cassie, it made her feel even worse and she probably began to feel a lot of anger toward both you and Cassie.

There was probably some kind of conflict between the 3 of you which caused you and Cassie to no longer like Mary. However, when you patched things up with Mary, Cassie began to feel threatened since she knew Mary had at one time liked you more than a friend and she may have felt betrayed that you were talking to her again. When she broke up with you, she was probably angry and jealous of the newly reformed friendship between you and Mary which could have made her want to make you jealous and tell you she was no longer interested in you now that she has a new guy in her life (“perfect match”).

The fact that Mary friended Cassie on Myspace sounds a bit manipulative seeing as the two did not get along before you and Cassie broke up. Cassie clearly wanted to hurt both you and Mary by telling Mary the bad things you had said (or didn’t say) about her, probably because she is jealous of the reformed friendship between you and Mary.

What I am getting at is there is a lot of jealously going on here and if you want to clear things up with Cassie (seeing as Mary is now on your side again), you should try and talk to her in a calm, mature way. Maybe call her up and ask her, if she no longer cares about you or your relationship, why go to the effort of telling Mary things that would hurt both you and her? If you still have feelings for Cassie, you should tell her so and maybe the two of you can come to some form of arrangement so that you can still remain friends with Mary, but continue dating Cassie. If she seems reluctant to work things out then cut your loses and walk away from the situation with your heart still in tact and Mary as your friend.

Written By: Anne